Today, is day one of the next chapter of my butterfly life.
In light of recent events, I am leaving the care of my doctors at the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance. It was made clear to me that they have no interest or desire to truly help me, or to figure out what is happening to me. The truth being, that I do not, as I have never, fit into the preconceived notions of what the human body should do.
In leaving their care, I am also stopping almost all 24 of my medications. This action will have it's consequences, but I am willing to accept them. The more I have learned, the more I feel this is the correct action for me.
Instead, I am focusing on more traditional and non-conventional forms of therapy.
Today, my mom took me to the library and helped me search through the electronic book catalogue to come up with a list of books to help in my learning. This week is dedicated to it. Unfortunately since I didn't have a library card before-hand, and I do not have an ID that shows my current address, I was only allowed to check out five of the twenty or so books I had chosen.
1) American Cancer Society's Complete Guide To Complimentary and Alternative Cancer Therapies by The Experts At The American Cancer Society
2) Get Fit While You Sit, Easy Workouts From Your Chair by Charlene Torkelson
3) Tai Now, Daily Wisdom from Mystics, Sages, Poets, and Saints by Josh Baran
4) A Guide To Self-Healing From Chronic Pain, Effortless Pain Relief By Ingrid Bacci, Ph. D.
5) Dragon Keeper (lets be honest I need a little bit of fun reading!) by Robin Hobb.
Today, also, is the last day of my "eat-like-crap" life, and beginning of my "eat-to-live-successfully-and-be-healthy-and-painfree" life. If only I could have gotten all the books I had picked out!! *sigh* Well, at the rate I am going I am not going to have all of these books long. I have already started reading book #1 and notating the passages that at least on the outset I feel apply to myself. I am continuing to read it however, and have made a nice dent.
At the same time, I have started crocheting myelf a bookmark. I have a feeling a nice bookmark is going to desperately be needed. Probably multiple bookmarks. I am thankful at the moment for sticky note tabs.
Today at the library, I witnessed a young boy and his father. The young boy picked out books, and got his very own library card. The father was so proud, and the young boy posed for pictures with smiles and pride. Something about the love and pride between the father and son brought a much needed smile to my heart.
Someday, I will be bringing my own child to a library and taking pictures of them as they proudly pose with their first library card and checked books. Someday.
For now, I have to continue to focus on getting my body healthy, being able to stand, sit, and walk without disabling pain.
The bottom line is this:
I AM NOT CRAZY
MY PAIN IS REAL
I WILL RECLAIM MY LIFE
AND NOONE CAN STOP ME